What do I need to learn?
To be happy and at peace wherever and whenever?
But how to be happy when you are in a toxic environment where you can't see the exit from your feelings?
How to be happy when you feel a great pressure crushing your chest?
Could it all be mental?
The 'toxic environment' and the problems you face?
Could it be that, in effect, what I have to learn is that everything is mental indeed, and nothing that I see and feel is real?
However, if that is true, how is it possible to feel that much that your entire body shuts down and you don't want to do anything at all?
If nothing is real, how can you feel protection and love with a simple hug?
If nothing is real, why do we live our whole lives thinking that everything has a meaning?
If nothing is durable, why do we grow up believing that we will always have that?
If nothing is real, how is it possible that in an argument, it is almost impossible to control emotions in order to listen to the person laying beside you?
How to be neutral between two people, that you love unconditionally and who are suffering between them because they love each other too much, but both of them see how they are no longer compatible with each other?
How to be neutral in a situation that is completely new to you?
How to remind me in the middle of crying, that everything is in the head when the tears are true running through my face?
I'm swimming in a sea of confusion
There are too many questions with unfinished answers.
The only thing I keep repeating myself every second is: what do you have to learn? why are you living this?
...So, why am I living this?
I have to hold onto something.
However, since everything is mental and nothing is real ... From what can I hold on to, without the fear that in the future, it will not crumble and vanish like it never existed?
What do I have to learn from this situation?
There are too many unfinished answers.
Text by Letters in Quotes®.
Photo by Dan Grinwis.