Letter #59: I fell in love with my best friend.

Updated: Aug 4, 2021

It's not the way that you behave in front of others.

It's not your ability to connect with people.

It's not the name and presence that you have been building for yourself over the last years, that produces this feeling inside me.

Nor are your green, beautiful, big eyes with a spark of honey as deep as the sun...

Nor your wavy, light brown hair with golden rays, that shakes me every time I hear your name.

It's not your tone of voice, so strong but at the same time so soft that you have ...

Not even your intense and genuine gaze that strips my soul, every time I have you less than half a meter away...

It's the fact of how you allow me to see through you entirely.

It's the way you trust me at the moment of removing your social filters –that you persistently show the whole world–, when it's just the both of us.

It's your perseverance and dedication to always keep moving forward and pushing yourself, regardless of the size of your tiredness.

It's your passion to finish each task assigned to you; although sometimes I also pay the price the next morning as I tend to stay up until late accompanying you.

It's your constant perfectionism of always being the best in everything you do; although sometimes so much sense of competence - e.g. even with me - causes me conflict.

It's the way you sing in the shower with as much joy as if it was the best day of your life.

It's the way you look at me when I look at you.

It's the way you truly care for your family and friends. If they really need you, you are always there, regardless the hour of the day.

It's the way that you look so cute when you are asleep... that every time you do so, my desire to hug you and never leave you is uncontrollable; causing fear inside me, due to the fact of being feeling that feeling.

It's your way to push me to build new habits to become a better version of myself.

It's the way I feel every time I'm between your arms.

It's the way you constantly drive me to cross my limits to the breaking point ...

It's the way you make me feel so angry and annoyed at you but, somehow at the end, I'm always waiting for the next day to come and be lovey-dobey with each other once again.

It's your pure constant presence in my life and the instant happiness that I feel by just having you here with me.

Sorry for saying all of this.

I know that we had already discussed about this, and I know that back then, I said something different.

I'm really sorry, but finally I'm not afraid to tell you how much I care for you.

I'm sorry if I say that I was okay by you being so close to me because, how we were behaving, I'm sorry but that is not a simple friendship.

If you were in front of me right now, and you asked me again what I really feel about you...

I would answer you truthfully and bluntly, no lies at all ...

Because, I finally accepted the truth that I wasn't allowing myself to feel, let alone to speak...

So, here's the truth...

Yes, I am interested in you as something else.

Yes, I see you more than a friend.

Because yes, I'm indeed in love with you, my 'best friend'.

Text by Letters in Quotes®.

Photo by Davids Kokainis.

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