• Wally

Letter #54: If only I knew with whom I'm going to end up with.

I don't know what the hell I am feeling right now. I don't know if I want him or not. I don't know if the other one is the one that I want or not.

I don't know if I'm just playing off and all that I want is to actually be alone. If only he was more loving, romantic, thoughtful, caring ... none of this would've been happening. If only the other one was single though ... If only he realised that I am truly asking for him to show me his love. If only the other one wasn't so flirtatious with me though... If only he showed me that he thinks of me every day the way I do. If only the other one wouldn't be around the corner for me to hug. If only he would wake me up with an 'I love you’. If only the other one and I would stop joking around and clarify this thoughts. I love him with all my strength. I care about the other one with all my heart. However, he is miles away from me. Just like, the other one is right in front of me. If only I got the chance of having both of them in front of me at my disposal, so that I could finally clarify my feelings and thoughts. I listen to any romantic song and there is no way I don't think of him. I listen to any flirty song and there is no way I don't think of the other one. I listen to any song about an empowered woman and there is no way I think about any of them. So, why does the simple idea of having a relationship with either one of them is terrifying me and frightening me? Is it because of the fact that neither of them offers me emotional stability? Or, is it because what I really want, is something that I'm not going to find in any of them?

Text by Letters in Quotes ®

Photo by Averie Woodard.

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