Updated: Jun 17, 2020
(My anxiety talking about what I feel while I'm in quarantine due to the global pandemic that is happening right now and it is spreading more and more as I write this).
It is as if time does not exist anymore.
The only thing that exists today is the sunlight changing through my curtain.
I don't feel depressed or desperate at all.
I just don't feel like I can focus my attention on something different that doesn't involve an activity that doesn't make my heart race.
I miss being able to get out of these four walls.
This confinement is forcing me to really know myself.
Sometimes, I am afraid of the result that may be generated from the fact of in me inquire.
It is definitely easier to live isolated from society when you have someone by your side unconditionally.
It is definitely more difficult to live isolated from society when the only person you can count on, is the one that appears at the moment when you stare at your reflection.
I know that I have people who love me around me and that if something bad happened to me, they would not hesitate to help me.
I know that I am a fortunate person because I have my own roof to sleep under it, in which I can allow myself to feel what loneliness and the encounter with myself manage to cause.
I know I am a fortunate person to have my family just a click away.
I know that the times are going to become clear and that from this quarantine I will only learn to be me.
However, being isolated from society is something complicated to face.
A human being’s mistake is to teach you that the best thing is to be accompanied.
We should all master the art of loneliness because at the end, you are the only person you can count on for the rest of your life.
Feeling lonely even though you are not, is one of the worst fears that can arise in your daily life.
When you disconnect from yourself, there is no way you won't feel sadness, anxiety, and despair.
But, guess what?
It is only when you completely isolate yourself from the society that you truly find who you are supposed to be.
It is not an easy process to know yourself as such.
It is not an easy process to encounter your negative-self when you are inside your mind.
We always forget that we live in a dual reality.
Every day we focus on being 'our best version' when fighting to minimize everything bad that we have inside of us.
Today, I know that being 'your best version' is not being with a good attitude all the time.
Being 'your best version' is being at peace with yourself even in moments where there is everything but inner peace.
Self-knowledge is not a process that all individuals are trained to face, so not everyone will be able to achieve this goal at any time of their lives.
It takes a lot of courage to be able to accept what the mirror is throwing at you.
There is nothing wrong with everything negative that you can find in your person.
You have to know how to lead with your darker side to being able to advance.
I feel in a constant state of continual despair at not having a 'break' from the person who lives under my skin and the one who controls my thoughts.
It is not normal for me that one of my favorite moments of the day is when I turn off the lights, get into my blankets and close my eyes to finally be able to say goodbye to the day.
And, that my other favorite moment of the day, is when I raise my pulse to its maximum effort to later be able to breathe heavily and suddenly discharge all the accumulated energy so that I can finally relax my mind.
Waiting for the sun to go down so you can close your eyes and, end that day is not the best formula to live your life.
However, you have to hold on to the things that make you feel inner peace if today that is what excites you the most, do not feel disoriented because there is nothing wrong in liking it.
Let yourself flow with what you are feeling right now.
Despair, sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration, courage, disappointment, uncertainty ... all are components that the only thing they are going to do to you - if you channel them in a positive way - is to be a stronger individual.
'After the storm comes the rainbow always'.
Get desperate if you feel like it.
Don't try to control emotions when they invade your body and mind.
Being positive is not being happy all the time.
Being positive is knowing that no matter how bad you feel, everything will end up improving for you, sooner or later.
Being positive means knowing that you are going to come out of it as a renewed being.
Let yourself know that negative side of yours… the one you don't even want to accept that you really have.
Once you finally accept the full version of being yourself, you will see how life
begins –for you– again, aligning itself.
Be wise enough to understand that no matter what you do, you will never harm yourself to the point of no reverse.
God does not give us a cross that we cannot carry.
Text by Letters in Quotes®
Photo by Michael Guo.